I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
