i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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