Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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