I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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