she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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