someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
