When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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