New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
