My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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