my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
if only i could text you this smell
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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