Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
