I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
