so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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