You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
