She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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