Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
