Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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