32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
