i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
