Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
