I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
