sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
