3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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