hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
