just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
