I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
