It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
