Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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