forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
