Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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