His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
