dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
