I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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