Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
