new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
