I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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