I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
