lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
