I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
