Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
