Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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