Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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