pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
