hell yes lets make some ravioli
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
