Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
