its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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