Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
