Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
