So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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