Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
