She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
