my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
