The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
