I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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