saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
